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The Inspector and the Bolts

the_green_man

Well-known member
Joined
29 Sep 2013
Messages
205
The Chief of the Royal Garages was attentive to the Queen, who spake saying," My Daimler is behaving poorly indeed and I suspect a blown head gasket. And place new bolts within, as the aged ones will have had their lives cut short."

Thereupon the Chief returned to the Garages and called unto him the Inspector, saying: "Lo, Inspector, the Queen hath spoken. Get thee hence to the wilderness of Traff where dwells a Maker of Bolts and he hath made two score and five special bolts. And the Inspector who was of sound wind and limb spake thus: " O. K., Chief, that which is asked for by Drawing and Specification shall be done."

And then he departed and journeyed unto the Maker of Bolts who spake unto him saying: "Here they are Charlie. Want a sixinshrool?" But the Inspector chided him saying: "Before I measure them, command your servants and your handmaidens that they may deliver unto me all the paperworks thereunto."

Then there were carried unto him one hundred and fifty-nine scrolls, which were the release notes and the Test Certificates for the raw materials and the M. S. L. Certificate of the fiery furnace in which they did heat treat the bolts, and the Calibration Charts for the hardness machine in which they did test the bolts, and a host of Certificates of Accuracy for the tensile and Izod machines in which they did test and smite the test pieces.

And there was also brought unto him a dog licence, a copy of the Factories Act and a Pool's coupon, which were included amongst the papers in error. And they delivered unto him also many M.S.L. Certificates relating to the Wichman Gauges used upon the bolts. There were also Certificates of Chemical Analysis and Radiological Reports and Inspection Records and many other reports of strange and wonderful things of which no one knew the meaning. And they brought a copy of the order and set of drawings and a Pyrometer Record Chart which was fifty cubits in length and a multitude of other things too numerous to recite.

For twelve days the Inspector looked upon these things and on the twelfth day he said they were good. Then did he measure the bolts, and all the dimensions thereof were according to Hoyle. And he put them in strange positions and tested them upon a machine of Magnaflux. And he performed Rockwells upon them, and some he rubbed with a precious jewel. Then he cast his eye upon them through a microscope, a borescope, a telescope, a periscope, a stroboscope and other strange devices. And he did project the threads upon a screen and gazed upon their form and it was fair. And he gauged the threads by the Law of Go and No-Go and the Law of Root Thickness. And from one bolt which seemed doubtful he did cause a test piece to be fashioned and great was the tensile strength thereof, and Izod and Elongation were fair to behold. Then he caused X-rays to shine upon them lest there be concealed weevils inside them. These things and many others which are in the Sacred Book did he perform with great cunning.

And when all these things had come to pass it was the evening of the nineteenth day and he made out a release note and inscribed thereon all the necessary details. And he signed it and put his seal upon it and upon the bolts also. Then he spake unto the boltmaker saying: "I do declare this batch of bolts to be pretty damn good. Despatch them privily unto the Royal Garages and if they bounce then I will catch them without salt." But Lo it came to pass, that they were rejected by his Chief and Sundry. They had been fashioned to an obsolete issue of the drawings. And the grief of the Inspector was terrible to behold.
 
You owe me 5 minutes of my life.

WTF
 
Ummmm .... errrr ... eh?! :eh!:
 
My head hurts :dont know:
 
I think this is a translation of the engineers report from the 991GT3 big end bolt investigation.

Thanks OP, now we know what really happened. :floor:
 

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